Why oh why do I fill empty spaces?
Space stuffing- sigh, Maybe you have decluttered and organised your space. It looks great. I mean, it looks schmick! But then...., wait for it... three months later, it's full again. And again - sigh.
You've lost count maybe how many times this has happened. You love the feeling of decluttering and organising. You love that fresh feeling, the feeling you know where everything is and you adore the organised look. Perfection is what comes to mind. But it doesn't last for you and you just don't know why. You don't know why you have this compulsion to get things back to the way they were before. Full. Very full!
You are not alone in your struggle. A lot of people don't understand why they are doing this and why they seem to go around the mountain time and time again with decluttering, acquiring, decluttering, buying more, decluttering, and filling up space.
But why? When you know why are doing this, you can make a choice whether you want to address the why and move forward and do things differently.
There may be multiple reasons you feel a need to rebuy and fill empty spaces. Or maybe, one of the reasons listed in this blog will resonate strongly with you. It's important to remember that whatever resonates with you, there is always a choice with what you do with the revelation, 'aha' moment.
Becoming aware of the issue is the starting point. And from there, you need to have the desire to change, know how to change, and have the ability to sustain the change.
Let's start with awareness. Just what is the issue?
Not surprisingly, fear is a major reason empty spaces become filled.
Fear can be wrapped in different packages. In other words, there are lots of different things people fear.
Fear of being in a position where you don't have what you need 'on tap'
Some people need things in their possession to feel safe. The object in a shop or somewhere else, for when it is required is not enough. There are some items, of course, that are reasonable and necessary to have at our fingertips. That is obvious. But there are many things that we don't need to buy unless we need them. And for some items, that need will never or seldom arise.
Fear of being alone and feeling lonely
For some people, their stuff keeps them company. It gives a sense of protection and becomes a pseudo-friend. A full environment can dull the internal ache of feeling alone so when all of a sudden there is 'space', feelings of alone creep in. An emptier-than-usual space can trigger an empty feeling inside. Some people will get their empty feeling fix from hitting the shops. It gives them a buzzy vibe with people to interact with. Of course, this is by no means a bad thing, but if you are trying to curb acquiring new items, maybe social shopping outings are not the best idea. Buying more will mean requiring a space to put your newly acquired items. And this will eventually clog up newly decluttered and organised spaces if excess is purchased.
Maybe this resonates with you? sometimes when we work out why we fear being alone or feel lonely we can either take steps to change our internal and external world- whichever is required.
We, to a very large degree, have much power over our internal and external influences and impact.
Have a look at the affirmations below. What really hits home to you? Explore them further:
Internal me- my thoughts about myself and feeling comfortable in my own skin. How should I view myself?
I am not perfect, and I accept myself completely
I let go of regret. What is done is done. I will use my learnings to propel me into better things
I cherish being alone and use that time to discover more about myself
Spending time away is a necessary part of all healthy relationships
I embrace the peace and quiet of my own company
I do not depend on external validation to feel good
I use my time to understand myself and become a better person
Bad days will pass, and joy will come again
My existence matters, and I am leaving my mark on the world
This too shall pass
I find genuine happiness in being confident in who I am
One step at a time
I don't need to compare myself with anyone else- I am unique
External me- The representation of me to the outside world- what do I have to offer the world? How can others fill my tank?
I am part of a community that appreciates what I have to offer
I embrace the new memories I will make with my loved ones
I achieve amazing things all by myself
I seek to develop my talents and giftings
I actively seek out opportunities to connect with like-minded people
I embrace the new memories I will make with my loved ones
I am loved, and my friends are a good support system
Fear of looking poor and being judged
Some people equate having stuff with being in a strong financial position. This can help them feel financially safe and give them an image that they are secure financially. They need this to impress people and use things to boost their self-worth.
A habit of the 'busy' look
Some people are accustomed to a cluttered and busy environment and when this changes, they find it difficult to adjust. It just doesn't feel right and there is zero decision-making to sit with the uncomfortable feelings long enough to readjust thinking patterns and establish a new norm.
Why does fear grip people differently?
Fear does not have permission to grip your life unless you let it. Full stop. Some of these fears enter because of circumstances that are traumatic or difficult and some enter directly through the decisions and following actions we choose, not related to something 'done' to us. These open doors to fear need to be closed if we are to experience freedom from the torment. To close the door, we need to address the reason behind the fear and change our minds about how we see ourselves now and in the future.
Maybe some of the reasons above resonate? What next?
Retrain the brain and the heart will follow
The important next step is to retrain the brain and heart to think differently. Once you start thinking differently, your emotions will catch up. Maybe not overnight, but if you are resilient in your pursuit of faith-filled thinking patterns, it will happen.
"Where the mind goes, the man follows"
Build a healthy love of self. This is not a wishy-washy fad. I'm talking about real appreciation, gratitude, and acceptance for yourself, where you can genuinely see great traits in yourself.
Time for a change?
Habit changing is pivotal to changing behaviour for the long term. And this means you need to have a strong idea of why you are doing what you are doing and take a step of bravery to be honest with yourself.
If right at this point, you went straight to the negative, 'Oh I need to look honestly at myself, yeah, yeah...so much needs to change', STOP. For many people, the step of bravery is to begin to default to the positive in themselves. Be brave to challenge whatever is defaulting you to the negative. Challenge that. It may feel weird because you may not be used to default to the positive. It's ok to feel a bit out of sync with this. The more you practice, the more familiar, and comfortable you will feel with being kind to yourself by thinking kind thoughts.
It is not beyond impossible to help people declutter and organise their spaces. Most of the hard work, however, begins when I leave. If people are not intentionally challenging and abandoning wrong thinking patterns and belief systems that put them in a cluttered state, maintaining that space can be really tricky.
It is a process for many. And the process starts with being really honest. Look at the positives in your life, in your personality, in your history. Start there. Build your esteem and love of self. Be compassionate to yourself as you are with others. This must be the foundation. Start with seeing yourself positively. Even if you can only start with one positive, start there. And then build on. This is the foundation to tackling many blockers to organised and clutter-free living. It is near impossible for some people to intentionally look at why they love clutter when they feel so badly about themselves and especially when that has been the narrative ruling the roost most of their life. It's just too overwhelming and depressing to entertain another negative! Once someone has filled their 'I value me' tank, it is much easier to change things that need to change.
You won't need to fill empty spaces and clutter up your life when you discover why you've been doing it and make a decision to intentionally turn away from the mindsets that have been holding you back. You not only won't need to fill your spaces to overload anymore but you won't want to.
Whatever is holding you back, will hold you back no more!
Live Organised
Why not?
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